7 08 2009
My Heart

My Heart

So I never walk in Fear , the word of God says fear is not of God.That it is nothing more than false evidence appearing real.

For the first time in my life I am in a situation that I can not find a way around or through.

I am tired
I am lonely
I am beat
I am mad
I am angry
I am hurt
I am confused
I feel God far from me
I have lost my Joy

The man who brought me into this world and left me when I was born,now needs me….Or maybe I would like to think he does, seeing as no one else is around.

I have been taking care of him, bathing,feeding him,you name it.

Sometimes I have an overflow of emotions inside of myself, because I feel like he does not deserve my time or attention, much less my love. But the truth is I have never stopped loving him.

He lived his life filled to overflowing in sin and now is reaping the harvest he has sown , after all those years. ( The wages of sin is death)

I fear today he will die soon…I see it in his eyes and I feel it in my heart…and I am lost for words…the perfect picture I painted has faded away ….and I fear he is running out of time, to repent and be saved.

He seems much like a baby to me today and not like a Man.He seems ragged and torn and I can feel an inner sadness rolling off of him when I hold him in my arms and pray.

I have moments where I wish we could start all over again .I wish I had the perfect words that would make it all go away .

But inside it is more than I can feel

My heart tangled to The CROSS